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Friday, January 16, 2009

I've been putting off an amoeblog update for several reasons, among which are lack of time and the overwhelming prospect of recounting my life since the accident. (That sounds a bit more melodramatic than it should.)

.... It's actually still a bit too overwhelming. I lost my loquacity just now.
Here are some fun things that happened over break:
1. Got a rental car, insurance is paying for it
2. KARAOKE WITH YOU GUYS!!! sooo funnnn~
3. Calvin's birthday. Dude, he is old.
4. Rock Band. (lots of rock band.)
5. Amovieba! (Magnolia sucked, but being with you guys was awesome)
6. Christmas parties
7. Hanging out with family
8. Christmas! (new phone, camera, clothes, etc)
9. New Years Eve, calvin coming back just in time
10. Hanging out with Amoeba members randomly (tim and richard biking, ashton ucla, andrew mac)
11. Church retreat

And here are some things I've been struggling with:
1. Where is home? School isn't home. Church isn't home. Home even isn't quite home. Things keep changing while you're not there, it's not a vaccuum that stays frozen till you get back (like Toy Story). Who are my real friends? What do I need to do to keep those real friends? Which friendships should I be investing more time and energy in?
2. How will I even find the time and energy to do all that? I dropped a class this semester because all the work was overwhelming (18 units+TA job down to 14 units+TA job). But STILL, every spare second of the day I am reading for class. All my classes are small and have heavy reading assignments, and I spend all my energy trying to keep up. i do try to go out with people and have some semblance of a social life, but it makes me fall behind in reading, so i always feel guilty. Meanwhile, I have lost the ability to carry on a decent conversation on AIM. It makes me feel like a jerk when I realize I've been ignoring people while I was reading for class. And I wish I could ask all these people "How are you doing?" and be invested in them, but I am scared to doubleclick their names because I know I'm just going to end up making them feel ignored! To top it all off, Calvin has been jetlagged from HK for quite a while now, and I know he's trying to fight it, but he falls asleep on me fairly regularly. And his classes are when I don't have class. So it's hard to have a good conversation, even with my boyfriend. The whole thing is really frustrating, and I don't know what to do.
3. Smoking and drinking. Well, I know I don't want anything to do with either of them, so this isnt necesarily a struggle, per se. But I struggle with what to tell my friends who do it. They know I disapprove and I try to communicate that with love. But it's surprisingly difficult to be the party pooper. I am encouraged by the fact that each time they spent the night doing that stuff, I ended up happier than they. I admit a tiny level of curiosity - but I am 100% sure that it's not worth it to find out. I've been spoiled - I've only ever had close friends who are model children. (you guys lol) And I loved that we could have SO much fun, and not need any of that crap to help us have fun. As I told ashton the other day - All I need to have fun is good friends and bad jokes. So its been a very interesting process becoming friends with people who are slightly deviant :P

Alright I am totally not going to be able to finish my advertising reading today x.x But it was worth it. You guys, please keep posting here, so I can stalk you :) I care about how you are, and all the little details of your life.

hugs~

Labels: Kristen

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