So today I went through my standard OCD routine: I wake up at 6:30, go running/exercising, eat my cereal, go to class and then after class I head to the convenience store to buy my vegan hummus sandwich (which is the only real vegetarian option there).  So ya, it's 11:00 and it's time for my scheduled meal (i've scheduled meals cuz if i eat when i'm hungry i'd prob go days without eating and because i'm ocd like that and because in rare occasions if i don't eat at the specified times i get super hungry and binge eat and go through hell..) so I walk to the C-store (as it's called here), go in, walk towards the back, and guess what? NO MORE VEGAN SANDWICHES.  so in my head i'm like ready to have a panic attack because I know that every time this happens I end up starving, binge eating, and going through hell (i've found that what i call 'hell' closely parallels what most pple call anxiety attacks..). so I think, quick! what are my options? so i look around and I see, tuna sandwhich, turkey cheddar, roast beef, and turkey cheese blt. so im like '...'. but then I remember, the salad bar, there is a freaking' salad bar! so i go over there and like a small salad is like $5.. and I only have like $3... so like I'm already starting to feel hungry and I'm like quick! grab cheapest sandwich before i go into binge-eating mode so i grab the tuna and a banana and get in line... the line wraps around the whole store.. wtf. so while standing in line i ask myself, wait, there are like NO vegans at riverside.. why the hell are we out of vegan sandwiches? and then I start to think back of all the times I bought a sandwich, and started to think about all the other people who were grabbing the sandwiches and realized.. they're all girls! non-vegan girls! (they would always carry a non-fat yogurt, or milk, and a lot of them would have some sort of hot dog or something) so naturally, i came to the most negative conclusion: a bunch of stupid girls who are either fat or think they're fat are taking all my vegan sandwiches so the can feel better about themselves! WTF! so by the time i'm out and in my dorm (like 1 hr later) I am sooo in binge eating mode, so i rip the package off my tuna sandwich and take like 3 huge bites before i feel like i'm about to puke, of course I already knew this because meat digesting enzymes which humans develop after eating meat for so many years disappear when turning vegetarian (because these enzymes are not inherent in human beings cuz apparently when looking at our evolutionary history, meat-eating is a relatively new phenomenon) so I throw the sandwich in the fridge and I down the banana in like a second and then continue on to a microwaveable rice packet which I had stashed in my dorm and when I'm done (like 30 sec later) I still feel hungry, but now I feel bloated, nauseous, and get friendly visit from my good friend, chest pain.

So this brings me to my rant, why the hell would you freaking (i use freaking in place of more colorful vocabulary to not offend you all) take vegan sandwiches if you're not vegan? I mean, eating a vegan sandwich after you downed a giant chillidog is not going to make you loose weight. This applies to the salad bar too, eating a salad after you ate 1/2 lb. steak isn't going to make you skinny you stupid.. person! Stupid people taking my only source of nutrition so that they can feel better about themselves and then have an excuse not to go to the gym and workout.  So next time I see a fat (or actually more times than not, skinny) girl taking a vegan sandwich I'm going to be like 'thanks a lot you fat ..person! thanks to you, i have to skip meals. you're fat and hopeless so quit taking my food and go run to your dorm and cry while you eat cookie dough because you're not a frkn vegan and you shouldn't be taking the vegan sandwiches and making vegans starve or how about working out once in a while? why don't you just go to the gym, go on the treadmill for 5 minutes and tell yourself you're making some progress to feel better just like everyone else here and quit screwing over my life?'  Of course, I would never actually say that (because the girl would probably eat me on the spot, jk n_n), I would just shyly smile at them and go on about my business and continue going through the same inescapable cycle every frkn week.

so next time you girls are thinking of eating a salad even though you're craving a steak please remember that later on some starving vegan is going to run in looking for his salad and will end up eating the stupid steak and end up puking and... ok i'll stop now. but seriously, none of you are fat, not even close, so quit taking the vegan options and eat your steak!

o that brings me to another thing, I will no longer identify myself with vegetarians or vegans.  I'm sorry if this offends anyone but a lot of the vegetarians I meet are hypocrites as in they went vegetarians for the animals yet they still eat dairy products which are a result of torturing cows to a higher degree than they are when they're slaughtered for meat. And as for vegans, they've all just been plain crazy, I really don't understand them.  I talked to one vegan who was so don't hurt animals and what not yet she was still pro-choice, I didn't feel like arguing because I know that generally the highly intellectual, open-minded, pro-choice crowd do a 180 and begin to resemble their pro-life counter parts whenever discussing abortion (with the shouting and yelling or irrelevant phrases and all that good stuff), but I just failed to understand why you wouldn't eat honey cuz it kills bees but you're ok with stopping a beating heart.  well, as my college experience progresses so does my understanding of the world, although I'm starting to think it's a very skewed understanding, one which resembles that of Holden Caulfield's (which btw,  funny story, I was in the bathroom the other day and i found someone tagged 'McCain is a racist!' and other... more interesting stuff.. haha).  so with that I will leave you guys again, in my crappy mood, to start on my art history hwk because my calc professor thinks it's funny not to post homework until two days before it's due.

i miss you guys :(

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